Bad Advice for Good People
The Pope is to publish an encyclical on spiritual and erotic love and I for one can’t wait.
We live in a cess-pool of amoral decay. Teenage pregnancy rates have gone through the roof. Babies are being born pregnant. The only reason people get married is to get a divorce. And everyone has had a homosexual experience (yes everyone). All books, magazines and films are pornographic. Every second person is a transsexual. Bus drivers careen around the town drunk on their own lust. Shop keepers can hardly contain their priapic joy as they stumble behind the till. Your parents are swingers.
The modern world is rubbish I say! And things were simpler in the old days.
In the old days we got advice on sex from people who didn’t know how to do it. As a result no-one had sex. If you learnt to drive from a pedestrian something similar would happen.
Recently it has been announced that Pope Benedict is to publish an encyclical outlining the difference between spiritual and erotic love. As I have not yet read this document I do not know what the difference is, but it just so happens that I like my one-handed reads to be ecumenical. As a bonny blonde youth in the censored Ireland of the eighties, I searched far and wide for things to arouse my onanistic impulses. Before Playboy, before Channel 4, a glimpse of a woman’s ankles was enough to take me to the highest peaks of ecstasy. In this (or any) light there was little more arousing than the Book of Ezekial.
I should imagine that in that climate a papal encyclical on spiritual and erotic love would probably be enough to do the same. Whatever the case, I would probably have kept it to myself. I knew my place. By Jesus we all did in those happy days when sex was shame and shame was a matter of pride. I remember with joy the day at Cross and Passion College, Kilcullen when singing priest Father Michael Clery told us that although he had never had sex he imagined that using a condom was akin to having a bath with ones socks on. For this advice Father Clery, I and my many fatherless bastards thank you!
So in this spirit I believe we should continue to get our sex advice from our religious leaders.
Take the Muslim cleric Dr. Rashad Khalid who recently warned that married couples should not see each other naked during the act of sex and that anybody who masturbated would end up having children who are “congenitally insane.”
That sort of thinking would cure a lot of society’s ills because anyone who says things like this clearly knows something we don’t. Otherwise they would be mad. And he’s not mad because he’s a Doctor.
That’s the kind of teaching we need to be giving our kids. Otherwise they might grow up with a healthy attitude to sex and sexuality and they might develop this idea that crazy religious old men are not the best people to be giving sex advice.
The Pope is to publish an encyclical on spiritual and erotic love and I for one can’t wait.
We live in a cess-pool of amoral decay. Teenage pregnancy rates have gone through the roof. Babies are being born pregnant. The only reason people get married is to get a divorce. And everyone has had a homosexual experience (yes everyone). All books, magazines and films are pornographic. Every second person is a transsexual. Bus drivers careen around the town drunk on their own lust. Shop keepers can hardly contain their priapic joy as they stumble behind the till. Your parents are swingers.
The modern world is rubbish I say! And things were simpler in the old days.
In the old days we got advice on sex from people who didn’t know how to do it. As a result no-one had sex. If you learnt to drive from a pedestrian something similar would happen.
Recently it has been announced that Pope Benedict is to publish an encyclical outlining the difference between spiritual and erotic love. As I have not yet read this document I do not know what the difference is, but it just so happens that I like my one-handed reads to be ecumenical. As a bonny blonde youth in the censored Ireland of the eighties, I searched far and wide for things to arouse my onanistic impulses. Before Playboy, before Channel 4, a glimpse of a woman’s ankles was enough to take me to the highest peaks of ecstasy. In this (or any) light there was little more arousing than the Book of Ezekial.
I should imagine that in that climate a papal encyclical on spiritual and erotic love would probably be enough to do the same. Whatever the case, I would probably have kept it to myself. I knew my place. By Jesus we all did in those happy days when sex was shame and shame was a matter of pride. I remember with joy the day at Cross and Passion College, Kilcullen when singing priest Father Michael Clery told us that although he had never had sex he imagined that using a condom was akin to having a bath with ones socks on. For this advice Father Clery, I and my many fatherless bastards thank you!
So in this spirit I believe we should continue to get our sex advice from our religious leaders.
Take the Muslim cleric Dr. Rashad Khalid who recently warned that married couples should not see each other naked during the act of sex and that anybody who masturbated would end up having children who are “congenitally insane.”
That sort of thinking would cure a lot of society’s ills because anyone who says things like this clearly knows something we don’t. Otherwise they would be mad. And he’s not mad because he’s a Doctor.
That’s the kind of teaching we need to be giving our kids. Otherwise they might grow up with a healthy attitude to sex and sexuality and they might develop this idea that crazy religious old men are not the best people to be giving sex advice.
